Leftovers
by chiisana-inori
Summary: In the morning hours of the New Year, she already has something to regret. Maybe. Kagura x Hatori
1. Chapter 1

**Leftovers**

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It was over.

The feast had been picked to the bone and the wine bottles were dry, save for a few forgotten drops. The music had ended long ago and despite the light conversation, the silence grew stronger as the attendees became drowsier. Outside, the night sky had begun to grow pale and the birds could be heard stirring awake. The few remaining stragglers took it as a final cue. The New Year was here and here to stay; they could rest easy now. One by one, they bid goodnight and departed to their respective rooms, all except for one.

Kagura sat at the empty banquet table. Though her eyes were heavily lidded and her shoulders slightly swayed, tipsy from exhaustion, she made no move to rise. With a grimace, she pictured the guest house that lay east of the estate. Great. Of all the family functions, she was stuck with the furthest room on the coldest morning with the biggest headache and the heaviest heart. She vaguely wondered how much she would be chastised for cutting her losses and sleeping in the dining hall.

She imagined if she did, and what would transpire in a few hours. The first to discover her, sprawled dead asleep on the table, would be the servants coming to clean the mess and set out breakfast. She would laugh it off, because being self-conscious about her behavior was never important anyway, and then she would steal a hot bun from the serving tray and sneak off to her room to shower and dress before the others got up. Every New Years Day, the entire family would gather for breakfast, meaning Kyou would be there too. She envisioned being in the crowded room, searching and searching until she spotted him at last. But on this particular morning, instead of rushing to greet him in a tight, spine crunching hug, she would stay rooted to her spot and turn her face away.

That was over too.

It was decided, much longer ago that she wanted to admit. No more… childish behavior. No more self-delusions. No more pursuing orange haired pipe dreams. No sir. This would be a brand new Kagura Sohma. Mature, not-at-all-torn-up-inside, alluring, and cool-headed Kagura Sohma. She smiled, in spite of her stinging eyes. But it was better late than never, she supposed, and she would have to take the facts with grace; that at the moment Kyou was celebrating New Years with Tohru where they made their home while she was alone at a ruined table.

A soft sliding noise caused her to look up in surprise. Hatori stepped into the light, accompanied by a gust of chilly air. She wasn't aware that he had left the party, or for that matter, remained awake. "Kagura." He glanced around. "Has everyone gone to bed?"

"Yes; just a few moments ago."

He turned to shut the door behind him and she quickly wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "Why are you still up?"

"I could ask you the same thing." She watched him as he kicked the snow from his shoes and onto the mat and dusted off his shoulders. It was amazing how Hatori looked so composed despite sleep deprivation, without a hair out of place. She was sure she was a mess.

"I needed a smoke." He moved closer and she could smell it on him.

"Is that so? Staying up late and smoking… you're such a bad doctor," she teased.

"Not for long."

Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "What to do you mean?"

"That was my last cigarette. I'm quitting."

Either she was overly tired, or the news was astonishing as she imagined it to be. "You are?" She couldn't remember a time before he smoked. "Really? I mean, that's great! It's a very impressive resolution."

"I don't know if you can call it that, seeing as I've been breaking it all morning trying to say goodbye."

"It's the thought that counts." She smiled. This was probably the most informal conversation she ever shared with Hatori. Out of all of the cousins, they and been the least close, and she guessed it was because of their polar personalities and the slightly shameful fact that she was scared of him when she was a child. But she did hold a secret admiration of him. He had always been intelligent and self-sufficient, so unlike the others. Now that she was older, she only saw him at family gatherings and yearly checkups and they kept their distance. She was incredulous at how openly they spoke now. "It's very brave of you. I mean, it won't be easy."

He shifted his weight, as if discomforted by the idea of the weeks to come. "No, not at all. Aside from the cravings, Shigure will most likely try to convert me back; blowing smoke rings my way and hiding packs in my desk."

Kagura thought about her own obstacles with her resolution. It wasn't like she could avoid Kyou for the rest of her life. She wasn't sure whether she had the strength to throw away her feelings so easily. "I'm sure you can do it Hatori," she said finally, with a forced smile. "And, if you want, I can help you."

His expression did not flicker but she could see he was amused by his eyes.

"It just seems like something you can't go through alone," she added hastily. Why did she always open her mouth without thinking?

"Not that I doubt you, but how would you help me?"

"Um… I… I can be around, to make sure you don't pick up a cigarette again. I can also give you moral support. And if Shigure tries anything, I'll punch him."

He laughed quietly. Contrary to his stoic nature, he did have the capacity for a chuckle now and then, yet even then it was rare that there was something to fit his brand of humor. Kagura brightened. She felt as if she had moved a mountain, getting him to laugh.

'Hatori is giving up something important to him, just like I am,' she realized. 'Something hard to quit, when he's just as stubborn as me. It's because we know it's for the better.' Kagura felt a sudden kinship with her cousin.

"What made you decide to stop?" she asked suddenly.

He was quiet for a moment. "I don't know. It was just the right time."

She nodded. It was the same for her too.

The following silence was comfortable. Something had changed and she couldn't quite put her finger on it. It was as if the years of polite distance between them had dissolved because of… because… She didn't know. If she could guess, it was because they were alone together on a morning that marked the beginning of change, and that anything, even a belated friendship, was possible.

Hatori checked his watch. "It's late. Do you want me to walk you to your room?"

She realized that she didn't feel as tired as before. And the walk to her room wouldn't be so terrible with someone keeping her company. "I would really like that," she confessed, more than relieved to dismiss the idea of camping out in the dining hall.

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**A/N: **I've had this idea floating around for quite some time and although I have a lot of other unfinished projects to finish, I couldn't help but to work on this one. It's definitely been a fun challenge trying to match up two very different characters. I apologize if it's a bit unpolished- I'm working without a beta at the moment but if you happen to like editing, you're more than welcome to shoot me a PM. Please give any comments or criticisms you might have. They will be very much appreciated. :) Thank you for reading!

- Chii


	2. Chapter 2

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They walked slowly along a worn stony path that cut through the main garden. Dawn was beginning to creep on the horizon. The landscape was monochromatic; a thin white blanket draped over dead black trees splashed with their ghostly grey breaths. There was a contemplative silence that fit the beauty of the wintery scene. Nothing could be heard, except for their brittle footsteps.

That did not last for very long.

"It's cold, Hatori."

"I'm well aware of that, seeing as I'm right here beside you."

She tugged on his sleeve in a way that he guessed signaled her displeasure. "I'm trying to make small talk."

He knew talking was very important to Kagura. He remembered when she was a child. The problem was not getting her to talk, but getting her to _stop_. All day long she would chatter mindlessly about everything and anything to anyone, so much that he could still hear her voice ringing in his ears hours later. But there was a period of time when she was growing up that she just clammed up when she saw him. Her gray eyes would grow round and her lips would thin into a straight line before she silently scampered off. Just like that, whenever he was near, and no one else evoked that reaction from her. He didn't blame her. He had been colder back then and hateful at the world, not quite understanding the curse or his role to fill. That was the year he started to smoke.

And he wondered why, of all people, he confessed to her that he was trying to put an end to it. She was teasing him, he knew, but it was he who decided to be candid when it was unnecessary. He rubbed his neck, frustrated and a bit confused. 'People did strange things when they had too much to drink and too little sleep,' he concluded.

He realized he had been quiet for a long time. "I'm sorry. I don't make a good conversationalist."

"Just say something, anything that's on your mind," she advised cheerfully.

"I wish I could have a cigarette right now."

Kagura tried to pinch him in between the ribs but only got his coat. "No! I have to punish you!" she said diligently. Due to her passionate nature, he was surprised she didn't wrestle him to the ground or put him into a headlock, as she was apt to do. Then, he realized that his mental representation of his cousin was a few years outdated. She had grown up quite a bit and although he saw her from time to time, he found it odd he did not notice it until now.

He pulled easily out of her grasp and looked at her. "I was joking." A lie. He had been half-truthful, half-wishing to toy with her.

"Hatori? Tell a joke? I didn't think it was possible."

"Smart-mouth." He gently pushed against her head with his fist. "You're quite invested in this. Perhaps I really will quit this time. You're better than carrots, or nicotine patches."

Kagura tilted her head. "Carrots?"

"It's a trick to keep from smoking," he said. "Cigarettes create an oral fixation and chewing carrots can substitute that feeling. But it's not particularly useful when you begin to detest them."

"What about lollipops? They taste much better... but I guess with all of that sugar it'll be a whole extra set of problems..." Kagura stifled a sudden yawn, eyelids struggling to stay aloft. "Goodness. I feel like I can fall right into the snow and sleep here," she mused, shaking her head.

He gestured to the bit of the East wing poking up from the trees ahead in the distance. "We're almost there. You'll be in bed soon enough."

"What about you?" she asked suddenly, sounding briefly energized at the notion. "You must be exhausted from all of the New Year preparations. And surely that suit isn't proper enough for this kind of weather..."

"I'll be fine," he said simply.

He thought she would frown or roll her eyes or stir up a protest but instead she smiled brightly. "Hatori, you're always taking care of others. I'm happy that this time, I can take care of you in return." It was strange how such sweet and childish words somehow sounded mature, even tender coming from her.

"You've got your work cut out for you," she went on to say as they strolled underneath a thick canopy of bare branches. "I read somewhere that it takes a hundred days to completely change a habit but together, it won't be too bad."

He smiled faintly at her. "I feel like I'm monopolizing the conversation. I never did ask you what you were giving up for the New Year."

She waved it off. "Oh. It's nothing important, really."

He noticed a strange stiffness come across her face. "I find that hard to believe."

"You really want to know then?" she questioned, tilting her head challengingly.

"It would be highly unfair if you knew mine without divulging yours."

She sighed, and for a moment, couldn't look him in the eye. He was now fully aware it was a sensitive issue but before he could say anything, she asked pensively, "I want to know something. Can you give up something you've never had? No, that doesn't make any sense... What I mean is... Kyou is happy because of Tohru, don't you think?"

"I suppose he is."

She nodded in agreement. "I'm glad, I really am. He used to be so angry all the time. I can now see how I only made things worse when I thought I was helping him. I just wanted for him to be able to smile, and now that he can, why do I still feel so sad?... I must be a really selfish girl."

"Kagura..."

"But with time, I'll forget him. We can do it, Hatori. We'll be quitters together." She looked up at him and said in a easy going voice, "Let's talk about something else." But they fell silent soon after.

The sky paled significantly. The sun would rise soon, and maybe the snow would melt if it could break through the clouds. Somewhere, a bird called out yearningly. It seemed like an ordinary morning but he could feel that there was something different in the air; something peeling back their layers, sloughing off his hard exterior and scouring down her exuberant surface, until they were nothing but raw cores in the chilly air.

She shivered beside him, and closed her coat a little tighter. He wanted for there to be a way to comfort her, but he was too inarticulate and awkward to think of something that wouldn't appear contrived.

They finally reached the East wing. He followed her up the wooden porch steps and waited while she took of her shoes and left them by the sliding doors.

"Thank you for walking with me," she said, appearing to have recovered and cheery again. "I enjoyed it. And you saved me from sleeping rather uncomfortably in the dining room." She stalled for a moment, and then gave him a suspicious look. "However, if I leave you now, even just to sleep, promise you won't go near a cigarette?"

"I wouldn't dream of it." He studied her. The rawness had disappeared from her demeanor, but it was still there, lurking underneath the surface.

"How can I be so sure? Maybe I'll have to stay awake and hold your hands like this," she clasped her hands over his, "so I know you won't get into any trouble." Kagura giggled.

"You have my word as a doctor," he promised solemnly.

"All right, I _suppose_ I can trust you alone for a few hours... I guess this is good night- I mean, good morning, then." She released his hands and they felt cold again. "I'll see you at breakfast."

"I'll see you at breakfast," he repeated. He stood there dumbly, unable to move for a moment, and when he found himself walking away at last, he heard her call his name.

She walked out to him in the snow. She was short without her shoes, but she managed to raise herself high on her tiptoes and grip the folds of his jacket to give him a playful little kiss on his cheek. When she moved her head back, he saw her smile fade.

They were like that for some time, just holding on, as if they would crumble once they let go. She was so close he could feel her warmth and hear her soft, uneven breaths. If he were thinking clearly, he would have turned and walked the other way, but something kept him rooted in place.

Slowly, she leaned in and pressed her mouth against his.

People did strange things when they had too much to drink and too little sleep.

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I feel much better about this revision! Hopefully, this will help me get the third chapter out soon!

- Chii


	3. Chapter 3

(A/N: Chapter two has been revised.)

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It could have been a dream. It certainly was strange enough. She phased out of sleep slowly, her eyes adjusting to the dim of the room as she regained her senses one by one. She was now acutely aware of the voices murmuring in the other rooms, the clean smell of the covers around her, the small pulsing headache throbbing at her temples. Through some divine will, she groggily rose to a sitting position, feeling quite undead. Looking down, she saw that she was still wearing the dress from the night before.

She rubbed a kink that developed inexplicably on her neck as she sleepily gazed around the room. The absurd episode that flitted through her consciousness once she awoke could have easily be a dream... if she hadn't tasted ash and mint once she ran her tongue over her lips.

When it dawned upon her, she felt a sudden jolt of anxiety mixed with guilt that forced her to stagger her feet, the covers still cloaking her shoulders. Oh God. She buried her fingers through the tangles of her hair and shut her eyes, trying to blot out reality. What had she done?

The answer to that was obvious; it was the implications that made her fret.

They had kissed. Or rather, she kissed him. But it wasn't like he didn't kiss her _back_, she remembered that much. It was nice… more than nice, and she had been enjoying it very much until he broke away, holding her at an arms-length and staring at her as if she had grown large antlers. His eyes were awful—that shuttered look, the look that she had gotten for years from him, but had started to ebb away once they got to talking. And then he said something in a serious tone before departing quite abruptly—she could only remember scant parts, "… _mistake… too young to understand… put this behind us… I apologize…should get some sleep…"_

She felt a hot flush creep all over her skin. It all came back to her in a dizzying rush and she dragged herself to the bathroom to splash cold water on her face.

He wouldn't tell, she finally decided, facing her dripping reflection in the mirror. No matter how close he was to Shigure or Ayame, he had too much decency to embarrass her like that by retelling the tale. And he already indicated that it wouldn't be spoken of again amongst the two of them. But she cringed at the thought of the memory resurfacing every time she saw him; the cloud of it hanging over every conversation, every dinner party, for the rest of their lives...

"Kagura!" She gave a little jump at the sound of her name. She poked her head out from the bathroom and saw her mother standing there, neatly dressed and shooting a glowering look at her. "Look at you! You are in no state to be seen in public at all." She went straight to the open valise on the floor by the foot of the bed and started rummaging in it. "Go wash up and do something with that hair while I find an outfit for you, dear. We're going to be late if you don't hurry."

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Despite her mother's reservations, they had made it in time for the small ceremony before the meal and were not the last ones to settle into their seats. Kagura found herself in a thick green sweater and ankle length woolen gray skirt; something she didn't like but threw in because it was warm and perhaps she could sleep in it if the heating unit failed.

"You look handsome," her mother had told her for the fifteenth time as the walked together to the Main House. She scowled in reply, not bothering to say that she was a girl, and girls wanted to be pretty, not handsome.

Although the hectic morning did grant her a slight reprieve, she found herself agonizing again once she was left to her own thoughts as the boring speeches commenced. Why did she kiss him? It made so much sense then, in the cold, quiet morning together; after sharing her troubles and catching a shift of light in his eyes; thinking that maybe she was seeing something private in them.

She would give anything to take it back. It was foolish beyond words. She barely registered that everyone had begun to clap and she followed their suit in a robotic manner.

It bothered her more than anything. She never cared before; shamelessly fighting and stalking and flirting with Kyou. Being rejected time and time again. A kiss was nothing in comparison. But they were different people. Kyou was younger, prone to wearing his emotions on his sleeve, and they had been raised together. Hatori was older, someone she was taught to respect and fear. That impassive mask of his, along with their vague history made it feel like she had crossed an unseen boundary and there would be no reaction from him for her to go on. What would he think of her now? As a weird girl who couldn't keep her lips off other people?

The napkin she had in her hands was nearly obliterated by her worrying fingers by the time the first dish was served. She looked deep into the steaming soup, afraid that if she brought up her eyes at all she would see him, seated somewhere at the head of the table where he usually dined.

She ate a few bites of every course served, not tasting it in the least, until the meal had ended and her mother got up to visit with the other aunts who had congregated in the garden, apparently not noticing her daughter's catatonic state.

"Are you okay?"

She glanced up. Momiji was squatted beside her, a concerned look etched in his normally carefree features.

"Oh… Momiji," she said flatly, trying to smile. "Yes, I'm fine. Just tired, I suppose." It sounded unconvincing even to her.

"Are you sure? Maybe you need a doctor…I know! I'll get Ha'ri!"

A paralyzing second went by before she realized what was happening."Wait! No!"

It was too late. He had already bounded away, the swift Rabbit, and came back with Hatori trailing behind him before Kagura could make a run to the bathroom to hide.

He was wearing a different suit, still crisp and black and buttoned with a white shirt underneath. She wasn't sure if he had anything else in his closet. His tie was now blue instead of red. He looked at her with calm indifference.

"See? Doesn't she look terrible?" Momiji piped up, his bluntness masked by his childishness. "Ha'ri, you have to make her feel better!"

Her stomach twisted itself in knots. If only he knew he was the one making her feel horrible.

"I see. Why don't you run along, Momiji. I'll take a look at her," he said in a measured voice. The boy didn't need to be asked twice before he was off to find something else to catch his attention. Although they were in a fully occupied banquet hall, she felt uneasy and sick. The way he looked at her, it was like they were alone and she couldn't bring herself to imagine what _that_ conversation would be like.

He placed a hand on the chair she was sitting in. She almost thought it was going to land on her shoulder but it didn't. "Why don't we go to my office?" he suggested quietly. "We'll have some privacy there."

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A/N: Sorry this took so long to update! I was having trouble with this chapter so I decided I had to fix chapter two before I could go on. Kagura is definitely easier to write for than Hatori, I have to say. This one was a lot less tempermental to edit than the previous chapter, where it took a lot longer to hammer out the details. Hopefully I can finish this by the time summer ends. Thank you for your patience! :)

Chii


	4. Chapter 4

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He barely slept at all. He wondered if it looked obvious as he was getting ready in front of the mirror; tightening his tie and adjusting his shirt cuffs. He stared at his reflection for a moment. He was supposed to be the responsible one, the one who cleaned up messes. What a joke.

It was quite problematic … no; _inappropriate_. He let that kiss carry on for far too long before he ended it. But the last thing he wanted to do was to turn it into a bigger issue. So it happened. He made it clear that there was nothing they could do about it now, except move on. In theory.

In reality, he couldn't keep his thoughts from drifting to it. Any sort of physical contact was rare for the Cursed. From early on, they had all learned to act defensively towards the opposite sex in fear of transforming, and along the way, harmless touches and touches from other Zodiacs seemed to blend in with little discrimination. For him, a simple New Year's kiss was both an intimate and troubling thing.

In reality, he watched her at breakfast, waiting to see her look up at him and smile, to let him know everything was all right. But she kept her head low and shoulders rigid and there was no denying that he had something to do with it.

Briefly, and only because the entire matter frustrated him so much, he entertained the idea of a little memory erasing. He even went as far as to imagine taking her to his room, sitting her on his bed, and watching her fall into a limp heap once his fingertips grazed her forehead before going out to inform her mother and anyone else who was interested that she fainted from exhaustion. It would be that easy.

He had the gift for a reason, but in all honesty it rarely ever fixed a problem. She would become blissfully ignorant and he would be the one mulling over the soft shape of her lips every time he saw her.

"Why are you so distracted?" asked Ayame with a pout once he realized Hatori was in no mood for chatter.

"Isn't it obvious?" chimed Shigure.

"What?" He didn't mean to snap but that smug look Shigure was giving him made him nervy. He wondered if he could tell of his internal moral transgressions with one look; probably not much of a stretch for his depraved cousin.

The Dog remained poised and unaffected. He turned to speak to Ayame. "He's just being a crank because he's given up cigarettes. For now," he added knowingly.

Hatori frowned. He had nearly forgotten about it with everything else that was going on. Perhaps if he had a few calming drags of a cigarette, he wouldn't be in such a state.

The idea was tempting. He could go over out to the back for a good smoke, thereby severing any memory of the night before; his resolution included. But before he could excuse himself after breakfast, Momiji bounced over to him, eyes bright with concern. "Ha'ri! Come quick, Kagura doesn't look too good!" exclaimed the younger boy, pulling on his sleeve.

He had no other choice but to follow. He was the responsible one, after all.

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He shouldn't have been amused, but Kagura looked so helpless.

When he approached her, she gave a start in her chair, as if she wanted to stand but changed her mind within a fraction of a second. He had never seen her so fidgety, so unsure of herself. Walking out into the corridor with her made him feel as if he were a warden escorting a prisoner to certain death.

It was mystifying to him how she had made such rapid and startling changes in behavior. Hatori was always Hatori; collected and distant with a few vague moments of emotions like anger or humor. But Kagura had whole facets of herself that shifted with ease and it was hard keeping up. That morning she had been shy and girlish, funny, mature, then sensitive; shuffling through personas like a deck of cards. It was remarkable, that is until he was placed with an anxious Kagura who treated him like the worst kind of stranger.

As soon as they got to his office, she turned to him and said in an insisting voice, "I'm fine, really." She didn't look fine at all. Her face had an unnatural flush to it and her eyes, however defiant, were glassy. It seemed that the silence had given her a chance to gather herself into something firmer. "I should be going back..."

He shut the door behind him with finality. "Just a few moments of your time, that's all I need."

"And then I can leave?"

"And then you can leave," he promised. She didn't seem assuaged. Hatori pressed a hand to her forehead and pretended not to see her wince. "You feel a little too warm."

"It's this stupid sweater," she muttered. "I didn't even want to wear it." He believed that much. It looked strange on her; too dowdy and so unlike the little black dress she wore the night before. Not like he noticed.

"Even so, I want you to take an aspirin and rest today just in case." He felt her stare on him as he went to his desk to find the pill bottle and then to the sink to get her a glass of water. Maybe they would get accustomed to the awkward cloud that would be there every time they were in the same room.

"Are we going to talk about it now?" she asked suddenly in a grim voice, effectively bursting that cloud. "Because I don't think I can fake everything being normal any longer. You probably think I'm an idiot."

He was sent into an awkward coughing fit that splashed some water on his hand. Leave it to Kagura to address the elephant in the room he was dutifully trying to ignore. As for her 'acting', that had been flimsy from the start. He turned off the tap and set the glass down. His sleeve was dripping wet. "I don't think you're an idiot," he said quietly.

"Well, it was a pretty idiotic thing to do." A brief smile flashed on her lips at his clumsy reaction. The tension in the room had dissipated for a moment.

He decided to take advantage of it "There are worse people you could have kissed," he said in his most serious tone.

Another tentative smile. "Like who?"

"Hatsuharu."

"Mm," she agreed. "He probably would have turned into Black Haru, thinking I was trying to seduce him away from Rin."

"Or Ayame."

"He would have started sprouting nonsense about how wonderful and romantic it was." She made a face.

"_Ritsu_." Hatori gave her a look that said it all.

She burst out laughing. "He would have apologized to me until I went crazy!"

He smiled ruefully. "But it still would have been better than the way I treated you. I was rude."

"No… you were right," she admitted. "It was my fault. Bad idea, really." She gave a slight scrunch of her nose that made him feel like things were now settled. "I'm sorry I acted so weird."

"Consider it forgotten."

"Really?" She looked relieved. "Good. The last thing I wanted to do was mess things up between us. Before that, we had a good thing going. Until I got a little carried away..." She shrugged her shoulders.

"It's understandable," he assured her.

"How do you mean?" Kagura blinked in confusion.

"What you said about Kyou. You can't be blamed for feeling a little vulnerable after that."

"Well, I was pretty upset but what does that have to do with...?" Something clicked. She let out a sharp breath and that's when he knew he had made a mistake. "That's what you think? That I kissed you to get over Kyou?"

He was taken aback and started to say something but was immediately cut off.

"Then what _do_ you mean?" she interrupted hotly, hands balling into fists. "Because what I'm hearing is that it's exactly like smokers using carrots; anything to get rid of an addiction. Am I right?"

He was unable to speak because it was true, he did assume that and because he wasn't sure how to handle this fiery side of Kagura. He was now aware of why Kyou always went into terrified conniptions whenever he got her angry.

Her gray eyes watered and the line of her jaw tensed. "Jerk," she choked out. "Did it ever occur to you that I did it because I _like_ you?" She spun on her heels and stormed away; slamming the door with a noisy clatter. He was too stunned to move from his spot.

In the past twelve hours, he had kissed Kagura, caused her great distress, reconciled with her, and then promptly gotten into another predicament. He sighed. If this was any indication of how the rest of the year would play out, he was sorry he'd ever given up cigarettes.

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**A/N: Hmm, I hope that wasn't too OOC of Hatori or Kagura. I might revisit this later and edit it after I come back from my vacation. Anyways, thanks for reading and as always, reviews are very much appreciated! :)**


	5. Chapter 5

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He didn't follow her, which was good- more than good; great. She didn't want things to get worse, if that was even possible.

She found herself sitting alone on a porch overlooking the stone garden in the West Wing. Her feet automatically took her to the place where she did most of her thinking when she lived at the estate. It was of little comfort to her now that she was older and with problems much bigger than accidentally breaking her mother's favorite china doll or being spurned in her proposal to a seven year old Kyou. Those were only loose threads compared to the huge tangle she had gotten herself into now.

Kagura skimmed the toes of her boots over the thin layer of snow on the ground, scratching little loopy designs. The brisk air was beginning to do it's job in clearing her head and slowing down her heart.

The revelation didn't come as much of surprise to her. All morning long, there was a little voice in the back of her mind punctuating every worry she had: 'Are you upset you did it, or upset that he didn't feel the same way?' No matter how hard she tried to bury such bizarre thoughts, they managed to crop up with alarming frequency until they flew off her tongue in a single heated moment. Had it even been the truth or was it some instinctive move to reproach him? Nevertheless, she was devising ways she could avoiding looking Hatori in the eye as long as she lived. (Moving to another country was the only one she could think of before she gave up.)

She didn't know why, but she thought of that little china doll from long ago. She promised her mother that she would be careful but it ended up in a dozen pieces before the morning was over. It would be something hard to salvage; something that she broke apart with her own heavy handedness.

Kagura kicked a small pebble in frustration. She had started off the morning pledging to be a better version of herself only to find that she hadn't changed at all.

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The last person she wanted to see found her a half hour later in the same spot and an even bleaker state. Kyou stood above her with an annoyed look on his face. "What do you think you're doing out here?" he scolded. "Get in before you freeze to death!"

She didn't know how to process what was happening. Kyou had approached her. He wasn't running away. This was new. She looked at him dumbly and said nothing, so he gave an aggravated sigh and grabbed her by the hand to haul her to her feet. He didn't let go until they were inside, where it was warm and quiet and empty, save for the two of them. Some time ago, she would have been over the moon at his touch but now it only made her want to cry.

"Now what?" he growled warily.

She sniffled into the sleeve of her sweater, trying to forcefully dry her eyes by blinking them rapidly. Some part of her still didn't want him to see her like this, weak and a complete wreck. "Nothing," she whispered.

"If it's nothing then why are you going around crying like it's something?"

The old Kyou could have cared less if she was in tears. She managed a watery smile. Tohru really got to him.

"Well, if you're not gonna talk…" he started crossly.

"Kyou..." He looked at her expectantly. She went on in a tremulous voice, "I-I think I like someone, but I might have already ruined things. I don't know what to do." She was surprised at how easily the words poured out. There was an odd tingle of relief despite the fact that Kyou wasn't exactly the best person to go to for a heart to heart.

Apparently, he thought the same. Kyou rubbed the back of his head, causing his bright orange hair to stand up even more. "Er- maybe you should get someone else for this conversation," he mumbled. He was already eyeing the exit.

But it had already been said and she felt like she would go mad if she kept it to herself any longer. "I don't know who else to talk to." He didn't leave or break his steady gaze, so she guessed that he had relented just the slightest. She wrung her hands slowly, feeling an invisible knife's edge slide against her heart. She asked it anyway. "…How does Tohru make you feel?"

"Tohru…?" His face suddenly got very red. He cleared his throat and looked off to the side. 'Why d'you need to know that?"

"So I know if what I feel is real or not." She lowered her eyes, feeling stricken for a moment. Admitting outloud what she was just beginning to accept was a step in the right direction, albeit a difficult one.

She was beginning to think it was all for nothing until he said in a low, clipped voice, "Do you remember the tree we used to climb… the one by the dojo?"

He didn't have to say any more, she knew exactly what he was talking about. It was a gnarled old tree, with tall inviting branches that stretched out wide, a perfect place to play. It used to be a game for them during breaks; seeing how high up they could get before going back down. "I remember."

"Do you remember the first time you climbed it?"

She gave him a puzzled look but answered anyway. "Mm. I was really small back then, and afraid. Shishou had to help me back down."

"Why did you climb it a second time? Or the times after that?"

"I liked it. It was fun… exciting," she said after careful consideration.

"That's how Tohru makes me feel," he said, so quietly she could barely catch it. Even his ears were burning. He sighed when he saw no comprehension on her face. Kyou looked at the floor, as if searching for his words, before he spoke again. "It's scary because there's a chance you can end up hurting yourself, but you still do it because it makes you feel ... alive."

There was a solemn silence hanging in the air. Kagura closed her eyes and soaked up the words. In some ways, it made complete sense and no sense at all. Why would falling for someone be like climbing? How could a person feel scared and happy at the same time? Why risk everything on something so uncertain? It seemed dangerous and stupid and wonderful- a real mess of contradictions. But she felt truth in the core of it, even if only a shallow understanding of what he was trying to describe. There was a curious unseen force that drew her to Hatori, even after enduring embarrassment after embarrassment. Running away was a superficial act. She couldn't stop thinking about him.

She opened her eyes. "I think I understand."

"Good." He looked distinctly embarrassed.

Concern creased her brow. "But I have another problem. I said and did some things I shouldn't have and now I don't know if I can take it back and make things right again."

"_Hnnh_. That's how you always are," he said with a slight scoff. "Reckless. Always running into trouble and saying the first thing that pops into your head. If he can't handle it, then he's not good enough for you."

Kagura felt a strange shiver pass through her. Tohru loved Kyou despite his short temper and abrasive nature. She needed someone who understood her; put up with her unpredictable moods and eccentricities. And he had. Hatori showed her more patience in their short time together than anyone else. He was gentle and kind and humorous in his own quiet way. He had a calming presence that she didn't notice while she was frazzling her own nerves with self-doubt. It was just the thing she needed... no; _wanted_.

It dawned on her then. She, Kagura Sohma, was in like with Hatori Sohma. Something she hadn't realized until almost an hour after she announced it to him. It was strange but then again, the entire day had been far from normal.

And this sort of declaration was not something to take lightly. She knew from her first and only attempt that unrequited love was always a possibility. She thought she was in love with Kyou for nearly her entire life and it crushed her when he didn't return the same feelings. How would it be with a sudden and very scary spark of the real thing?

Maybe she had been aggressive and overt before, but she felt her affections take an apprehensive nosedive.

Kyou shuffled uncomfortably. She realized she had gone silent and thoughtful for the past few minutes. She put on a vague smile to reassure him. "Thank you, I needed that."

He relaxed a little. "Don't mention it," he said, and she had a feeling he really meant it the way he glanced around shiftily just in case Yuki might materialize out of nowhere to gloat at his bout of sensitivity.

'It suits him quite well', she thought. He had grown to be mature and thoughtful without abandoning his trademark vigor; the thing that made him special. But no matter what, even if they had changed into completely different people, would he be hers to love.

She hugged him tightly (but not too tight) and when she let go, she felt herself letting go for good.

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**A/n: I'm extending this to one more chapter since I didn't think squeezing everything into Kagura's POV would wrap things up satisfyingly. The next one will have a mix of both of their POVs. Thank you so much for your wonderful reviews and I hope you enjoyed this chapter! :)**


	6. Chapter 6

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Instead of following her, he decided it would be prudent to let her cool off so that he could give another rational discussion another chance; never mind that the tactic blew up in his face twice already. If he had learned anything from this day, it would be that he was incapable of doing anything right with Kagura.

He sat down at his desk. Then he reached into the top left drawer where he knew Shigure planted the 'emergency' pack, selected a cigarette at random, and stuck it in his mouth. He reclined deeply into his chair and looked at the ceiling, savoring the feel and taste of it. He didn't make a move for his lighter, which was still nestled in his inner jacket pocket out of habit.

And try as he might, he couldn't ignore how they left things off. The words still seemed to linger in the air. _Did it ever occur to you that I did it because I like you? _

He was alone in the room but still managed to suppress a smile for his own well being.

It was definitely not something to grin about, considering the present circumstances: She was rightly furious at him. He had been an insensitive clod. He wasn't sure if anything could be said or done to fix things between them.

But she had been so _ardent_, standing there with her eyes flashing and her cheeks alight; energy crackling from her imposing figure. Which, he realized in retrospect, was supposed to be terrifying but he had found it sort of charming once the shock wore off. He didn't think he had ever been that passionate about anything in his life and yet it came so easy to her. And if she hadn't said what she said in such a manner (he refused to even think it for fear of smiling for no reason again), he would have never believed that a fireworks display such as herself would be interested in him; the proverbial book of soggy matches.

No, he always thought he was attracted to certain women, and that certain women were attracted to him. They were more or less the same; the angelic, nurturing, wise-yet-adorably-naïve beauties. Not to say that Kagura wasn't smart or beautiful, but she certainly had a devilish streak in her and as for the nurturing part, he had seen what she had done to her dolls back in the day.

This was quite an unusual situation but he immediately understood there were several reasons why progressing from anything beyond the day was logically improbable. For one, there was quite a difference in age. (His parents, however, had a fifteen year gap and were quite happy, so who was he to pick a fight over a paltry eight?) She was his younger cousin. (And they shared the same Curse; meaning there would be no confusion or pesky interference when it came to touching.) They were like night and day, and didn't have a thing in common. (It would certainly make things more interesting.)

He took a puff from the static cigarette out of habit. It was indisputable logic.

Strange. He didn't have near enough nicotine still circulating in his bloodstream to be as calm as he felt. After being on edge all morning, this sort of thing would usually put him into a bigger state of agitation; the one where he found himself chain smoking broodingly in the dark to focus on eliminating the problem with accuracy and efficiency.

He didn't need to do that. The clarity he had sought for seemed to be gifted to him the moment she spoke. It was put in black and white so even he couldn't deny what it meant; that the entire morning had been a staged mental battle with himself. The things he was fixated on before were nothing but obstacles he created to distract himself from the most troubling aspect of all. There had been something in that kiss, something that he couldn't ignore and dress up as something else.

She had said her piece. It was his turn to say his and decide where things would go.

The door unexpectedly slid open. He sat up slowly, blinking in surprise. It was not Kagura standing in the doorway, but Kyou. He wasn't sure if he was relieved or disappointed.

"Where's Kagura?" he asked impatiently, looking around.

"You just missed her by a few minutes." Hatori dropped the unlit cigarette in his ashtray. "Did you need to speak to her?"

The boy narrowed his ruby red eyes in annoyance. "Not me. Her mother's got me running around all over for her. Momiji told me that she left with you."

"That's correct."

"Well, where did she go?"

"Your guess is as good as mine."

Kyou suddenly smirked. "She's pissed at you, isn't she?"

It was his turn to be annoyed. If only he knew. "If I remember, you are not exactly in her good graces either."

"Like I ever was," came the dry retort. "Never mind. I know where she is." He turned to walk away.

"Wait," Hatori interrupted.

Kyou looked over his shoulder, still hanging in the threshold. "What?"

He frowned at himself, not sure what to say. For some reason, he couldn't bring himself to ask Kyou to bring her back to his office. He didn't need to be pulled into whatever was going on with them, and besides, Hatori wasn't entirely sure if she would even consent to being in the same room with him for awhile. Finally, he said in a bland voice, "Make sure she's not wandering outside. She might be sick."

"Dammit! Why am I everyone's errand boy?" groused the Cat. For the second time that morning, Hatori's office door was shut less-than-quietly.

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She couldn't find him in his office and at that, she felt her nerves take a turn for the worse. She had been looking forward to getting things off her chest quickly but the delay caused more anxious thoughts to arise. And if he wasn't in his office, that meant he was somewhere in the vast estate and probably not alone.

Sure enough, after more searching, she saw him was standing in the Main garden, talking to a small group of people. She stopped dead in her tracks. He was too far away to hear, but by the way his lips moved, she imagined what he was saying. _"That Kagura has gone completely insane. You should have seen the way she was behaving this morning. I'm surprised she hasn't been committed yet…"_

His gaze suddenly found her and her heart did a funny jump. He quirked a brow in her direction, but eventually looked away and continued to talk.

She slowly ambled over, feeling very unsure of herself. But she promised that she would see things through before the day ended. If not now, the meager bit of courage she scrapped up would be gone and she could end up spending another twenty years pining for something that wouldn't be.

"… though arthritis could be quite difficult in the winter months, light exercise and keeping warm can effectively combat the pain," he had just concluded as she neared.

_"Hatori,"_ was all she could manage to say before her throat closed up. Everyone in the circle paused to stare at her unexpected intrusion.

"Kagura, there you are!" Her mother, who she hadn't noticed with her tunnel vision, swooped in on her with the disapproval and severity of a hawk. "I've been looking for you for ages! Where have you been?"

"Now's not the time, Mother," Kagura said through gritted teeth. She turned to Hatori, who was regarding her silently. "Could we… go somewhere to talk?"

"Talk about what?" her mother demanded, cutting him off.

"_Medical things_." It was slightly true. She could very well die of shame if the conversation about to take place didn't go well.

"Surely it's nothing you can't say here, with everyone else? Ah," her eyes suddenly took an understanding, "... unless you're talking about your little problem with…"

"Mom!" she squeaked, aghast.

Hatori kept a straight face. "I'll be back as soon as we finish going over the important health discussion we started earlier." He cupped her elbow gently and started to guide her away from the crowd.

"Hide things from your own mother, why don't you!" she heard her mother say huffily as they left.

"That was close." Kagura breathed a sigh of relief once they had strayed far enough from the party.

"What was close; getting away or preventing me and everyone else from hearing about your 'little problem'?" asked Hatori in an amused tone. He let go of her arm.

She looked at him in surprise. He was acting like things were perfectly fine. "Both," she said. "There are some things even doctors shouldn't know."

Finally, they were on the same path they had taken hours before, to the East wing. It felt like much longer ago to her, and for some time they said nothing at all.

Kagura realized that she would have to be the one to bring it up. "So…" she hedged, lacing and unlacing her fingers together. "About earlier … I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I mean, I _meant _what I said, not how I said it…" Already, her words were getting jumbled and vague and that only made her more restless. Before she could stop herself, she babbled on.

"I was only being defensive because it's true, I do… like you." She blushed; concentrating on her steps. "I don't know why…not to say you're not handsome or smart or nice. I like all those things about you. I just didn't realize that it was... different now. And please don't make me explain; I hard a hard time understanding myself. Maybe I still don't understand. You probably can't take me seriously because I'm immature and bothersome. I know it's a lot to ask of you to even consider it for a moment but I usually don't _do_ this. I never asked Kyou if I could love him. I didn't care about how he felt until it was too late and it ended up hurting a lot more than it should. Just tell me what you have to say and I … I'll leave you alone if you want."

She looked at him closely to see if there was any shift in his expression. As always, he was unreadable. She guessed he was digesting what she just said. Unlike his counterparts who heedlessly charged into nonsensical diatribes, he took his time in crafting a careful, honest answer...

"I see."

Her jaw slightly unhinged. "That's it?" She had poured her heart out and he said two words in response. She was too stunned to cry or yell.

"Yes. I understand all of your points but I must correct you on their validity." They had stopped walking and were now face to face. He looked very tall and intimidating like this. "First, you don't need to apologize. I deserved everything you said and more. Second, no, I don't find you immature or bothersome; it's the opposite, in fact. And third ... I would rather you not go anywhere."

Lack of sleep and the adrenaline rush from before prevented her from doing the addition in a timely manner. He politely cleared his throat and then started to continue along the path to the East Wing.

He was several yards away before she snapped out of her confusion and caught up to him. "So… So…" she struggled to say, breathless more from astonishment than exertion, "... everything you said before…"

"Was complete drivel," he finished for her. "And I do apologize for that. It seems I wasn't thinking with the right perspective."

"Everything…" she murmured again to herself, mulling over the extent of its meaning. "... Then what you said about me kissing you just to get over Kyou…"

"That was the only reasonable explanation for me at the time," he said, looking a shade uncomfortable. "I didn't think you would ever do something like that out of choice."

"Is that so?" She couldn't help but feel like laughing. The tables had turned and although she felt a little sorry for him, it was funny to see the cool and together Hatori become apologetic and insecure. "But I did do it out of choice," she mused thoughtfully. She glanced at him shyly. "You know how I feel but I don't really know how you feel..."

He gave her a pointed look. "Really, Kagura," he said in an uncompromising voice, "I trust you can come to your own conclusions after doing exactly that the entire day."

Her face broke into a grin that she quickly hid from him by looking down. She hadn't really expected for him to go heartfelt and mushy on her. That was good enough for her.

They finally reached the Main East building and sat down on one of the stone benches under the trees. It was still cloudy and cold, but she felt as if she had just taken a deep drink of brandy and was filling up with dizzy warmth. 'So this is what it feels like to be liked back,' she thought to herself.

She put her hand down at her side, letting it lay on the smooth, cool surface of the bench. It brushed against his. He shifted slightly, letting his smallest finger slide under hers. This trivial act, loaded with what had been said in the last few minutes, seemed even more profound than the kiss judging by how her face colored with pleasure.

"This is strange," she marveled and he gave a short laugh.

"I agree."

She curled her pinky over his. "But I like strange."

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"What do we do now?" she wondered aloud, looking up at the sky and nonchalantly swinging her legs.

"We could go inside."

She nudged him with her elbow. "You know what I mean."

"Ah. In that case, we could start with dinner."

She made a little moue in distaste. Once they had both confessed, she thought she was in the clear for romantic weekend getaways and wearing matching sweaters and other silly, sappy, and completely enviable couples' activities.

"Don't you think this is sudden?" he asked, amused by her indignant expression. "We should start slow and get to know each other a little before rushing into something."

"I _suppose_ so," she said with a heavy sigh, as if she had been told that eating vegetables was pertinent to her health. It did make sense, now that she thought of it. "How long is 'slow'?"

"A hundred days."

She gaped at him soundlessly. "Where did you get _that_ number?"

"You told me yourself. It takes a hundred days to learn a habit."

"I am not a habit!"

"That may be so, but it's a good number don't you think?" He smiled. It wasn't one of his wry smirks or mysterious half-smiles. It was a real little smile that warmed his dusky green eyes.

For a long time, they stayed on that porch. She began to feel sleepy after slowing down enough to realize she was running on zero energy and she leaned her head on his shoulder to close her eyes. If someone told her that she would be spending the first day of the New Year like this, she would have called them crazy and yet as unbelievable as it sounded, it felt right. Before she was completely lost to sleep, she smiled to herself at the single thought on her mind. How nice it would be, to wake up by his side.

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**end**

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**A/n: Sorry if it's a little too abrupt. In my first draft, the ending was a bit more concrete but I edited it to make room for the continuing piece I've started writing for this, thanks to ReflectedGrace's suggestion. I've grown to really enjoy writing for this pairing and couldn't resist wondering what would happen after a mutual like was established.**

**For all the reviewers; thank you! Your comments and praise really inspired me to do my best. :)**


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